My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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