bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
