we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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