Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
