Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
