My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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