So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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