Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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