I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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