he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
