K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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