Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
