Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
