if you like me you must not know who I am
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
