Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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