but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
