Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
