we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
