Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
