fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
