I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
