New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize