1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
