what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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