Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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