Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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