i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
