She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize