I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize