I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize