He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
