My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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