just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
