just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
