What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
