How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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