Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
