I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
