arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
