Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
