No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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