Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
