when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
