Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
