so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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