thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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