my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
