the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
