ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
