Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
