Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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