Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
