I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have aggressive nipples.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
