is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just threw up on my dentist
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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