I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
