So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
