I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize