If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
