Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
