No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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