We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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