I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
