Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
