I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
