dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize