remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
