My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
