did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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